light my way

Sunday, August 31, 2008 ;

1:15 AM

Love is borne out of admiration-
That light shines on the path he walks in.

Love is borne out of jealousy-
That twitch you feel when his eyes are cast away from yours.

Love is borne out of anxiety-
That overwhelming insecurity when he walks out of your sight.

And most of all,

Love is borne out of greed,

The notion that you want
light to be shone on the path you walk,
a twitch to be felt when your eyes is cast away from his,
an insecurity to be insinuated when you walk out of his sight.

Dark?
Maybe?

But somehow.. it's not too far from the truth, is it?

:)

light my way ♥

Wednesday, August 20, 2008 ;

12:40 PM

I am bored and I have nothing to do.

So I decided to just list some of the jdrama/kdrama/tdrama that I am watching/have watched.

Hahaha. I am such a no-lifer.

Pride ---------------- Nice. By kimutaku
プライド

Densha Otoko ----------------- Otaku love. Something I can relate to hahaa.
電車男
Train Man

Hero ---------------- Anything Kimutaku is good.

Nobuta wo Produce ----------------- Not bad, but yamapi is cute
野ブタ。をプロデュース

Kimi wa Petto -------------- chionged the whole series on monday, strange but nice. MatsuJun is cute here.
きみはペット
You're My Pet

Mukodono! --------------- Very nice and funny. Tomoya is cute. Heartwarming family show.
ムコ殿/女婿大人
Son in law/My Husband

My Boss, My Hero -------------- Another drama vehicle by Tomoya Nagase. Very very funny and meaningful as well.
マイボスマイヒロ

Kurosagi -------------- Very clever show. And it has Yamapi. Need I say more?
クロサギ
The Black Swindler

Hanazakari no Kimitachi e -------------- Funny high school drama. Lotsa eye candy too.
花ざかりの君たちへ
For You in Full Blossom

Proposal Daisakusen -------------- Yamapi!! Very nice!!!
プロポーズ大作戦
Operation Love

Engine ------------ Kimutaku delivers again. :)))
エンジン

Wonderful Life ------------- Very sweet show!!! The little girl is so cute~ Saranghae-yo~ I love you~~~~
원더풀 라이프
Wondeopool Laipeu

Taste Sweet Love ------------ Quite funny. Typical ugly suay duckling --> Chiobu love story
Baek Seol Gong Ju
백설공주

惡作劇2吻 ------------- Ongoing drama. Quite nice. Loved the first season.
恶作剧2吻
E Zuo Ju 2 Wen
E Zuo Ju Zhi Wen 2
They Kiss Again
Mischievous Kiss

마녀유희 ----------- Nice and funny. The girl is hawt. The chef is hawt.
Witch Amusement
Witch Yoo Hee
A Witch in Love

公主小妹 ------------ Watched this to kill time.
Gong Zhu Xiao Mei
Princess Little Sister

Got lots more but so random until I don't really remember many of them.

Hahaha.

Sian.

:(

Time to find something to watch to cheer myself up...

light my way ♥

;

12:12 PM

Shocking news yesterday.

Wasn't in any mood to blog.

Surreal as it was just last week when he might be online.

Knowing it's never going to be him online ever again..

Though I don't really know him that well.. but still...

Cried a little, feeling sorry for things that happened.

Feel bad for his family..

Be strong be strong..

I guess it's really a reminder, to myself at lest, that it's always important to be happy and positive...

To be cheerful and find peace within yourself no matter how trying times can be..

Rest in peace...

I hope you have finally found what you have been looking for..

And that you are in a much happier place now..

light my way ♥

Monday, August 18, 2008 ;

1:12 PM

Hahaha crazy number of posts today with dramatic moods.

But it's damn noisy now so I can't watch any videos.

Instead I shall do a bit of a back logging as there are many events that actually took place while Leon was home.

As some of you may or may not know, we are relatively close to our gaming friends. Some of us had know each other from as far back as 2005?

Anyhows, we meet up like once a month or two for birthday dinners to celebrate whoever's birthdays that fall on that month.

These pictures were taken during the meet up for the June babies, namely Leon and my brother. Had some italian food at this China square. Food was so-so. Didn't find it particularly yummy or anything... :(

My brother and a couple of them have left by the time we took these pictures at the end of the night. And some of us might look a little crazy-happy due to alcohol intoxication. Haha.

Pictures taken over dinner are with some other people. Can't remember who. Hahaha.

Presenting some of our WoW and FFXI friends~ (there are more but some already left the scene :) )

At another recent dinner outing to celebrate Briz and Crash's birthday. Most of the pictures are with him. So one shot for now. Dinner was at the Spanish restaurant I recommended! Wee~~~ Dinner was awesome! (gotta say so since I suggested that place wahahahha)

Jimmy, Leon and me! (Hair freshly cut.. yeah I fall into the short hair cat now. hahah)

light my way ♥

;

12:20 PM

Hampi's growing diary

Enough of the negativity.

Construction going on near my place and it's driving me crazy.

So it's time to post up pictures of my precious princess for my Baby! :)

*High bandwidth alert!

Hampi enjoying her broccoli

Hampi sleeping upstairs.. Can someone tell me if Hampi is a girl or a boy judging from this picture?? I seem to have my doubts again... :(

Hampi sniffing the piece of papaya.

Hampi looking shell-shocked! Her little nose is so pink! :D

Hampi eating her favourite snack - honey yogurt drops!

Our girl sure loves "sunbathing" in her sandbox!

Hampi eating her yogurt drop on my hand :)

I LOVE this picture!! She looks so zombie. Hehehhehehe. Hampi sleeping on her back in her sandbox!!!! Her tiny limbs are so cute! She reminds me of a dog and a human at times. Hahahaha.

Hampi and her broccoli again :) That's her fav veg, so unlike her daddy :p

Her new favourite spot :)

She enjoys sticking her feet out sometimes. So slack hor hehehe

Hampi and her cauliflower :) (I don't feed her that many times, just that these pictures are taken over a couple of days. I feed her veg twice a day, lunch and dinner :) Yogurt pieces twice a day after her meal - sorta like a dessert. Hee.

Entire foot out of her grill again. My slacky baby.

And again.. Hehehe.

Hampi chewing on her own feet as she sleeps! Hehehehe. My cute little darling~

She's soooo cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

Nowadays she will climb onto my hand without the aid of treats. Hehehe. And I can pat her a little!! So happy!!!!

Been webcamming Hampi to Leon once in a while too when we webcam. :) And sometimes I'll put Leon on speaker to talk to her when he calls. Hehehe, cute hor?

Can't wait for Leon to come back home. She probably will move back with him when he comes back. Need to get her a proper tank then.

And she's sleeping in her sandbox again. Hehehehhe. She's a sweet one :)

My mum loves to talk to her too!!

Hehehe, she's really a joy to have :)

Thank goodness we bought her Baby! :)))

light my way ♥

;

11:01 AM

Been giving myself a lot of pressure lately..

And as the days go by, the pressure escalates...

It's been too long.. and too hard.

And I wonder, is it time to just give up?

I don't know how long I need to wait, or if it will ever come.

Luck seems to be non-existent at this time.

Should I just look for something that does not have that high of a barrier to entry for me?

I don't know.

I feel like a terrible disappointment to everyone, including myself.

Makes me wonder, is it something about me that went wrong?

I am tired of looking at the activity from the sides.

I just wish to put my heart into doing something that I want to do.

Is it not possible?

I am sick of telling people there's nothing good about slacking at home. That I wish I am IN their shoes, working late, stressed out, meeting deadlines.

Should I pursue something else that I am impartial about? Anything that comes?

Should I hang on?

I am tired of explaining my own actions.

If I don't talk about it openly, doesn't mean I am not doing anything.

I don't wear my heart on my sleeve.

I am under a lot of stress and pressure and holding it all inside of me with each increasing day seem to push me closer over the edge.

And I miss Leon.

Only he knows how I am feeling at the moment.

How disappointment and how scared I really am.

I'm scared.

I'm panicking more than ever.

And I am running out of hope.

God, did you forget about me?

Or are you saving the best for me?

Please give me a sign, if I should move or, or wait for my turn.....

light my way ♥

Tuesday, August 12, 2008 ;

4:57 PM

Got this off someone's quote from flowerpod.

How true. And it makes it even more quote worthy that it is said by someone I deeply respect.

Well, first you must be temperamentally suited, and there must be constant adjustment and give and take. I mean no marriages are made in heaven.

- MM Lee Kuan Yew.

light my way ♥

Monday, August 11, 2008 ;

2:04 PM

Hampi's growing diary

Hey Baby,

Here are the pictures of your precious little darling!

Her various sleeping positions:

She has been sleeping in this position lately. I think she enjoys doing this. limbs up and mouth open. Hahaha so relac!

Sleeping on her sides. =)))

She looks damn funny here. Sleeping on her back, with her limbs in the air, and mouth open. Must be having a good dream!! Hehehehe so cute man.

Sleeping on her back again, smelling her wheelie wahahha

She's super relac here!!! Hehehehehehehehe =))

I like this very much. She looks so relac. Like suntanning on the beach with her bathroom sand hahahaha. Can you see her little feet and little tail? =))))

Her little food cove (the one you wanted to see. But unfortunately she stopped doing this after I washed her house T_T )

light my way ♥

;

12:53 PM

Leap of faith

Going through my webmail now and deleting all the trash mails that hold little/or no significance.

At the end of the chain, one of the first mails I saw were all Baby's. Those were the first I kept ever since I subscribed to using Gmail.

Feeling a tad sentimental, I went to read them again (YES, I read them from time to time, remembering the "vows" and professions of love by Baby from right at the start in early 06. Hahaha. Counting my blessings as I believe it was this act of "bravery" on his part that sparked off something as beautiful as what we share now! Even though he himself was jittery about ruining everything we shared then as best of friends.)

And no matter how many times I read them, no matter how familiar I am with the content, I still am unable to control those tears that seem to readily agree with the content.

"Instead I'll try my best to honour, love and respect you to the best of my ability."

It fills me with so much joy reading something that was written so long ago, but is still being applied abundantly in your own little ways in each of my every single day, regardless of how far apart we are.

"My only wish is to be able to love you and provide you with happiness as long as I can."

I am grateful to you, for practicing what you preach. You fill me with love and happiness every day, every minute, every second.

And you noe what Baby? You stopped calling me Jiejie after you wrote me that awesome email :p

Hehehehehe. Didn't notice it until now. =)

And I think you are the sweetest guy I have ever met in my life.

You hold true to my belief that, action speaks louder than words.

With me, gone are those "shit talk" you tell other girls.

You hardly shower me with praises like what other guys do.

Instead, you proved what mattered more than words by doing the things you do in your own little way.

You don't just tell me you miss me - you call me every single day, as many times as you possibly can to show me how much you miss me.

You don't tell me that you notice or you pay attention to what goes on around me - you show me that you remember by telling me things about me that happened a long time ago to recent times.

You don't tell me how much you understand or know me - you show me that you do by completing my sentences or asking me not to be up to no good by telling me the things I intend to do, or my track of thoughts ahead of me.

You don't just tell me you love me - you show me that you love me by adhering to all our beliefs of making our relationship work. By moving out way before informing me because you know it bothers me. By buying groceries that we enjoy having together. By having a common point between us. By creating out little "family" between us. By having Hampi. By being happy together.

I am thankful for your belief then that we will "really really work out".

I am thankful you had the balls to email me :p

I am thankful I appeared "ideal" in your eyes.

I am thankful we met, and had the chance to go through a solid, fabulous friendship.

Most of all, I am thankful I took the leap of faith.

And landed in your arms.

I love you Baby.

2 weeks down.

Another 14 or so more to go.

=))))))

light my way ♥

Monday, August 04, 2008 ;

11:19 AM

Tired

Had a rough morning talking to a friend I considered close.

Rough for my heart, rougher for my spirits.

It feels like all over a sudden, I am overwhelmed with emotions, trying to sweep up the broken spirits that was never mended since months ago.

I really wonder, do I appear nonchalant at times?

Does that mean I don't really care about the state of affairs that is going on right now in my life?

I care, a lot.

But so?

Does it mean I should indulge in self-pity and bemoan my own fate?

Is there a point to tell the world how depressed and down I am?

Is there a point making 1 more person to worry about me?

There is no point.

Life still goes on, except now that I have made more people worry.

I dislike complaining because I dislike weakness.

I dislike exposing human flaws.

It's crude, and it's ugly.

And I hate that these weaknesses exist in myself.

You said I am young.

Am I?

I am not young anymore.

I am not a freshly graduated 21 year old with big dreams.

That already dissipated into thin air along with time.

Stability?

Unheard of.

There is nothing "stable" about my current status in life.

Do you think I am not trying hard enough?

But does it make a difference to myself telling everyone how hard I try?

No, life still goes on.

I am accountable to myself only.

But still, why does the conversation make me lose heart?

Why does it still make me cry?

Because I care?

And it hurts to know that I may have been perhaps misunderstood.

Or perhaps, I may really not been trying hard enough.

If so, what should I do?

I don't know what else I can do.

If I could, I would erase my life and do it right this time round.

But I can't.

If I could, I wouldn't have made some of the decisions I made.

But I can't.

If I could, I would have done so many things differently.

But the fact remains is such that I can't.

So what am I gonna do about it?

I don't think I have ever let anyone know about how I truly feel about this entire shitty saga.

Not even Leon.

Not Winnie.

Not Yan.

Not the extent of it.

But is there a point to let people know how I feel inside?

To let them know all my fears and worries?

To tell them I am really really frightened by the going of the state of things?

That I am not living up to my own expectations?

That I am a disappointment to myself?

That I wish I can break up with myself?

That I wish I can leave myself?

That I have let myself down?

And worry them?

All I can do, is to put up a brave smiling face, and tell people that I am alright.

That I am fine.

That I will be strong.

That I will be positive.

That I will have faith.

That I will keep trying.

But...
Would it be okay,
if I said,
that I am sad,
and that I am terrified?

My spirit feels broken.
And it hurts.
So much.

Now I know, the most painful thing in life apart from having your heart broken by the person you love, is to have your heart broken by yourself.

light my way ♥

;

12:30 AM

I wonder

If I wish for you over a million times,

would you appear in front of me?

I miss you.

So much

That life suddenly seem dull

and lonely.

I feel,

a-l-o-n-e.

1 weekend down.
15 more to go.

light my way ♥

Sunday, August 03, 2008 ;

10:23 PM

Hampi's Growing Diaries

Hey Baby, pics to amuse you =))

Hampi is cute as hell! :)

How she's like when she's slacking at times before falling asleep :)

Her various sleeping/napping positions

(She enjoys sticking out her foot at times hehehhehe)

And finally, kodak moment of the day:

I find this super cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's like a little child!!!! :)))

<3 our Hampi!!

light my way ♥